These photos were shot during a period of my life where change was constant and growth was forced upon me. I went from being a kid who had just left the nest to being thrust into adulthood to navigate the medical system and fight for my life. In my late teens, athleticism and adventurous pursuits were at the top of my priority list. When my abilities in those areas were lost, I channeled that focus into my creative side. As I was slowed down physically, the world around me narrowed along with my subject matter. Whereas in earlier days I sought to make art in hard to reach places at the top of peaks, I shifted to capturing beauty on a smaller, more accessible level.
When making these images I had no intent to publish them in a printed form. The work I’ve put in over the past few months assembling and organizing these photos has been cathartic to say the least. Lately, my life has entered a new chapter. I am far enough out from my lung transplant and the illness preceding it that I am able to have some perspective. I can look at those few years and process what I went through and the effects it had on me. From the outside, most people looked at my reaction to the situation and thought I was handling it really well. In many ways I was, but looking back it is clear I was in shock a lot of the time and shutting myself off from emotion. Though that survival mode got me through those times and allowed me to stay logical and decisive, my lack of emotional processing has come back to bite me in ways.
About a year out from my transplant, many of the emotions I should have felt many years prior started to come out. Luckily, I have worked with a therapist for a number of years now to process and come to terms with the trauma that occurred in my early 20s. One of the skills I honed in therapy was mindfulness meditation. The practice of staying present and allowing thoughts to come and go. One of the principles I latched onto was the idea of everything being temporary. It allowed me to zoom out on the dark times I was in and look at myself and the world around me and see how finite it all is. For some reason or another I found great comfort in this. That thought helped me then and still helps me now. Appreciating my life as the fleeting blip in time it is has made me enjoy every minute I have so much more.
I hope this body of work gives a glimpse into this period of my life that molded me into the person I am today.
